Congratulations to the Pennsylvania State Police and all who assisted and volunteered during the seven-week manhunt for subhuman accused cop killer Eric Frein. Frein is now in custody. No treats for you this Halloween, Eric. Or ever.
Darth Vader is running for a seat on the Ukrainian Parliament, we found out this week. If successful, he plans to (we are not making this up) turn the Ukraine into a “galactic empire”, which sounds nice. If unsuccessful, we imagine he’ll just blow up another planet or something.
Because Harrisburg apparently isn’t a strange enough place in the waning days of a two-year legislative session, news of a firefight between street thugs and two lawmakers elevated the week to a whole new level of weird. Scranton-area State Rep. Marty Flynn and his colleague from Erie, State Rep. Ryan Bizarro, found themselves face-to-face with armed assailants Tuesday night, and Flynn was apparently having none of it, drawing his own handgun and squeezing off a few rounds. Thankfully, no one was hurt and the thugs have been apprehended. Memo to Harrisburg hoodlums: you may want to check the bios of your potential targets. Flynn does not seem like a logical person to attack. Said Flynn: “It was like Yosemite Sam from Looney Toons.” We have an exclusive video for your enjoyment.
Given the fiscal state of this fine commonwealth, it is a small miracle that not just one, but TWO people actually want to be governor for the next four years. Deficits, ballooning pension costs, credit downgrades and all manner of other financial challenges await the man who puts his hand on the Bible next January. “Hey, welcome to Harrisburg! The roof has a hole in it, the house has termites and the rent is three months late. Oh, and there is an angry badger in the guest bedroom. Have a ball, and call us when everything is fixed!”
The U.S. Secret Service has had better weeks, obviously. First, it was discovered that an armed man was allowed to scurry around the first floor of the White House, evading capture like some Benny Hill skit. Because that wasn’t dangerous enough, an armed felon was then allowed on the same elevator with the President in Atlanta. It might be time to tighten things up a bit over there, ladies and gentlemen.