Friday Happy Hour: Sidewalk Urinal Edition
Friday Happy Hour: Stolen Spiders Edition

Friday Happy Hour: Profane Parrot Edition

JessieU.S. Senator John McCain announced this morning that he is discontinuing medical treatment in his battle against brain cancer.  It was a powerful reminder that sometimes we should all take a step back from the cable news and internet scream-fest we live in every day,

It was all quiet in Washington D.C. and in the New York U.S. Attorney’s Office.  Absolutely nothing of note happened, and President Trump definitely did not compound the nothingness by going on Fox and Friends

As the nation continues to grapple with cyber-attacks on our electoral system, the issue hit very close to home this week, as U.S. Sen. Pat Toomey found himself the target of such an attack.  Hackers went on a spear-phishing excursion into Toomey’s campaign emails, we learned this week, although it was unclear where the attack originated.  Could have been the Russians, the Chinese, or some fat guy in his basement.

If you have not yet read the 47-page indictment of California Congressman Duncan Hunter, please pour yourself a tall, cold sarsaparilla and do just that.  In totally unrelated news, we are naming Triad’s new punk rock band “Gourmet Steaks and the Thirty Tequila Shots” which narrowly beat out “Pet Bunny Plane Ticket” in our internal straw poll.

The Trump administration this week announced it is scrapping the Obama-era Clean Power Plan and replacing it with a more states-driven, coal-friendly plan.  As astute readers may recall, then-candidate Trump said he would bring back coal, so this would be a dandy start if it were indeed possible.  On the other side of the coin, environmentalists warned that should the new regulations go into effect, we will all be dead by 2019.   

It was quite a week for the Steel City.  First an outfit known as the U.S. Economist Intelligence Unit (which sounds like something Robert Mueller should be running) named Pittsburgh the second-most livable city in the country, behind only Honolulu. 

A few days later, Time Magazine did the Pittsburgh area one better by naming Superior Motors (an upscale eatery in close-by Braddock) as one of the top 100 coolest places to eat ON THE ENTIRE PLANET.  Somewhere in Pennsylvania, John Fetterman is at a Sheetz, smiling.   

The fight for fair school district funding (which is always in the eye of the beholder) in Pennsylvania got a boost this week as the Commonwealth Court swept away a legislative challenge to a lawsuit over said funding, allowing it to proceed.  This should add yet more spice to the ongoing battle between Governor Wolf and his opponent Scott Wagner over who is better at being fair, we guess.  

Many folks have been wondering what the fall legislative agenda will look like, and what issues will be addressed in the scant nine days the General Assembly will convene.  Well, look no further than enacting the grand jury suggestions that were made when the Catholic Church sex abuse scandal came to light.  We have a sneaking suspicion this will be Job One when lawmakers return to Harrisburg.

The state’s casino industry this week banded together to sue the Commonwealth over the Pennsylvania Lottery’s launch of so-called I-Lottery games.  The casinos contend that these games look a little too much like slot machines, and therefor should be stopped because THEY own the slot machine market in this state, and don’t you forget it, pal.

It was a less-than-stellar news week for gubernatorial candidate Scott Wagner, who began the week by saying something, um, inartful, about why he won’t release copies of his tax returns.  His answer had something to do with his employees and unions, and let’s just say he should have practiced that one a wee bit more. 

Wagner was also caught off guard by a question about same-sex marriage while campaigning in Erie, and later had to clarify that he would not sign a bill banning same-sex marriage in Pennsylvania.  To be clear on this one, Wagner took a ton of grief in the primary from some folks on the far right for his stance in favor of LGBTQ rights, so he really should have been given a pass on that one. 

Nabisco this week announced it would change the packaging of its Animal Crackers so that the boxes will no longer portray animals in cages.  We, of course, celebrated by eating those newly-freed animals.  Memo to Nabisco: calm down. 

Pennsylvania’s first black-owned craft brewery opened in Harrisburg this week, so when the legislature returns to town in the fall, make sure to head uptown and visit the Harris Family Brewery!  

In campaign news this week, Governor Wolf has decided to play the fall campaign on his own terms and has agreed to debate Scott Wagner just one time, at the annual Chamber of Business and Industry dinner (spoiler alert: we will be there.)  The debate will be moderated by Alex Trebek.  Big money goes to whichever candidate answers every question in the form of a question. 

The latest NBC News/Marist poll came out, showing both Wolf and U.S. Sen. Bob Casey maintaining double-digit leads over their opponents as we approach Labor Day.  The astounding part about the poll, however, is that in both races the number of undecideds is extraordinarily low for this stage in the game.  

In our We Can’t Make This Up segment this week, we take you to London, where Jessie the Parrot got stranded on a rooftop, forcing firefighters to the rescue.  In response to the rescue efforts, the saucy parrot hurled profanity, at one point telling a firefighter to “F@&k off!”  Even parrots are anxious about this whole Brexit thing, apparently. 

That’s what passes for news around here as we start preparing for the sprint to the finish line this fall.  Make sure to come and join us next week when “Gourmet Steaks and Thirty Tequila Shots” makes its debut!  From all your friends at Triad, have a great weekend! 


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